Resolving Conflict Through Listening by H. Mackay

Before I write my notes of this article I want to share part of a letter I wrote to my principal last year...

A word about cognitive conflict...Garmstom says that meetings must be safe but not necessarily comfortable. When a groups meeting is always comfortable, the group is probably not talking about the right thing. Cognitive conflict-disagreements among group members about substantive issues like goals, values, decisions, and increase commitment, cohesiveness, empathy, and understanding. Cognitive conflict occurs as teams examine, compare, and reconcile these differences.

Adaptive schools are communities and require conflict to sort out the best practices for student learning.

I think we feel safe at PEL and there is a high level of trust, but it often seems that we don’t want to move in the direction of conflict. Dan definitely gives the message that we need to be “nice”. This is collegiality not collaboration.

What is conflict? Definitions vary, but here is one I like...

Conflict is just energy in the system, nothing more, nothing less. People bring meaning to conflict. The ways they do so is influenced by personal history, cultural norms, family patterns, and practices of the group within which they work.

Garmston goes on to say that conflict is necessary in order to have community. Conflict forges new life forms. Canyons, beaches, and mountains are created from conflicting energies. Because human conflict is uncomfortable, groups often seek to avoid it. when they do so, they live in a state of community building that Scott Peck calls pseudocommunity. This is a stage of extensive politeness. Being comfortable is the goal. Members of pseudocommunities ignore or make light of problems, withholding their true feelings. At Peck’s fourth stage, groups realize true community. Here, people are open, lucid, vulnerable, and creative. They bond together across their differences for common good and conflict does exist here. We at PEL must be some where between these two stages.

Conflict isn’t always bad, in fact it can enhance loving relationships by clearing the air. You can tell that I believe in conflict and think of it as the creative process. I agree that pressures build up and it is one small thing that triggers a reaction and you kick the dog! The very first strategy that the author talks about is paraphrasing. This is a great way to clarify understanding. Understanding takes the intensity out of the conflict and we can agree to disagree. I have seen paraphrasing working wonders with parents who are unhappy. If you paraphrase they feel heard and that is 90% of the problem solved right away! Try it!